You Can Go Your Own Way

As a parent, I struggle with times when another Mom (or Dad) whom I care for and respect feels  differently than I do about a fundamental issue of parenting.  Not wanting to start a fight, but wanting to stand up for my position, I can never figure out what I should say when these issues rise to the surface.  This usually happens when a related decision needs to be made that impacts both of our kids...Should we take a walk in the rain?  Is it ok for the babies to play in the sand? Should we watch Baby Einstein?  In these cases, it is not possible to "agree to disagree".  When I am the one who does not feel strongly about an issue, I can always concede to the other person to keep the peace.  But sometimes I don't want to do that because I am excited about an activity or really dont want Lilah to do another and then I feel stuck.  I have enough self awareness of my "rookie mom" status to know that another person could take a different position on most of these issues and have logic just as sound as mine.  At the same time, having "heart to hearts" about these issues can end up painful no matter how good the intentions going in. 

Speaking of which, for as much rhetoric as is flying left and right these days, I dont think people actually like to disagree.  A disagreement rarely feels like an equilibrium so issues are passed around again and again, with no new evidence presented, even when it is no longer fun or interesting for anyone.  I think this is why my mother in law spends so much time talking to me about politics and social issues.  I'm sure she would sleep better if I could just agree with her and I know I would if she could just agree with me.  I try not to bring these topics up in order to avoid the feeling of being unsettled, but she feels this tension even when it is left unsaid and so starts conversations none the less.

Speaking of political rhetoric, this morning on Forum, they were talking about charter schools and I felt like the discussion was being framed as either "Charter schools are great, Shut down traditional schools!" OR "Charter schools are dragging down public schools, They are the ones that should be shuttered!"  I had to turn it off after 5 minutes because it felt like pure spin.  Why must everything be framed in extremes?  Because it makes for good sound bytes, duh, but it makes me want to exit the debate and makes me scared for the future of the country because a position of extremes is inherently unstable.   I wonder if by taking extreme positions, it makes it easier for people to disagree with one another.  I think when you see "the other side" as being a polar opposite its easier to write them off rather than dealing with the valid points that they bring and the ensuing clouding of ones own position that this may lead to.  Taking this back to parenting, when people I dont like do things I dont agree with, I couldnt care less.

For my picture of the week, here is a snap of Lilah playing with scarves.  They are technically long enough that she could choke herself so maybe this makes me a Bad Mother.  But, I never leaver her along with them and they are so much fun so I say let the good times begin!